On the Rocks in the River
Over Labor Day weekend, we took our kids white water rafting on the Lower Saluda River. Even though the rapids were more like . . . rushing water . . . than rapids, the kids were understandably nervous and concerned about falling out of the raft and getting stuck on rocks. Our guide was fantastic, though, and in her opening pep talk, said something that stuck with me.
“If you fall out, so what? You get up, you get back in your raft, and now you have an experience that makes you stronger. You’ve lived through it, and you’re fine.”
And even though the kayak my son and I were in got stuck a number of times, we were, in fact, just fine.
There is a lot of research out there about how we do our children a disservice by creating a bubble for them to live in, but I think the same is often true for how we live our own lives.
We avoid hard situations because we don’t want to be emotionally, mentally, or physically uncomfortable. But doing the hard thing is precisely how you get stronger. Pushing yourself to run the extra mile, to lift the heavier weight, to have the hard conversation, to be the first to apologize … all of these things are what make us stronger and better.
But if we stay in a bubble of safety or comfort, we lose the opportunity to become stronger.
Difficult conversations are hard for me. From a StrengthsFinder perspective, my Harmony strength is really high, which means I like everyone to get along. I don't enjoy conflict; rather, I seek areas of agreement. Difficult conversations can literally keep me up at night.
But what I’ve slowly come to realize is that the more I stepped up and had the direct conversation, the easier it became. I don’t know that it will ever be fun, but my confidence has grown, and the ability to say what needs to be said.
If you never fall out of the raft, you never prove to yourself that you can get up. And you CAN get up, again and again. And your muscles get stronger, and your endurance increases, and you find yourself doing amazing things you never thought possible.
But first - get in the raft. Put yourself in the scary, hard, difficult, unnerving space. My bet is that you’ll be surprised at how strong you are.